My current boyfriend and son’s father and I met in November of 2004 at Sears where we were both employed seasonally. I was 17, he 18. At the time, I wasn’t looking for a relationship but it’s true when they say it happens when you aren’t looking for it. Rob and I talked for a few weeks and started dating shortly after. Not surprising to myself, I said the words to him; Surprising to myself, he didn’t respond back with the same. I was used to saying it and having it said back to me but from that moment on I knew he would be different than the rest. Something about his “bad-boy” demeanor attracted to me to him even more. Yeah, I dated guys with the baggy jeans and fitted caps but he was just a little bit more rough. He cursed a lot and often had an attitude. He smoked and just didn’t care what anyone thought about him. I figured it out; he reminded me a lot of myself. Mulitple incidents occurred where we broke up and got back together; I went off to college, he went off to jail, I saw other people, he sought a new life in Miami. The last time of the back & forth b.s. is when I got pregnant.
I never wanted kids, EVER. The dysfunctional family I came from and the patterns and reoccurring cycles I seen made me feel that way. I didn’t believe I could be the one to break that chain. Besides, I was in school working on becoming a Medical Assistant, working two jobs as a receptionist and a hostess, and I finally had a place to call my own so I was in the process of learning how to save and spend money in moderation. My boyfriend is very pro-life and didn’t believe in abortion. He believed that with everything I had going on in my life, I could still go on to have a child. I heeded to his words….
I found true happiness in my boyfriend. I realized that being in love means making sacrifices, thinking bigger and outside the box (i.e. being more open-minded and accepting), learning the true definition of forgiving and forgetting. How many women actually are with the man they cheated on and/or broke up with MULTIPLE times?! Not many I bet. Through my boyfriend I realized that no relationship, whether it’s a intimate one, a friendship, one with a family member, could never last without patience! Understanding is also a key factor; one that til this day we are both working on. His strong Cancer ways and me being a Taurus often clash at times but we’re acknowledging the fact that we are both two different people at times and when it comes to opinions – to each his own. Learn to respect one another’s thoughts and decisions. Communication is number one for both of us. Robert and I are EXTREMELY open with one another and I think that’s why we have made it thus far in our relationship. I tell him when my period’s coming (T.M.I. I know!), he tells me when he finds another woman physically attractive; I told him about my past relationships with the guys prior to him, he’s told me about his life outside on the streets. Basically, we’ve told each other things that no one but each other knows. The key to our relationship is that besides the boyfriend/girlfriend label I put on him and he on me, is that we are friends. Be your partner’s friend before getting intimate. Me waiting to have sex with him and us trying to get to know each other first and foremost has tremendously helped!
Now that we have someone else involved in the picture, we are truly dedicated to making it work. We don’t want our son to grow up in a seperated household; we’ve seen the effects that has by simply re-evaluating and reflecting on our own lives! Yes, we struggle like many other young couples, but we never give up… ESPECIALLY for Kaevon. Yes, we fight like cats and dogs and are unattracted to each other certain points like magnets, but that’s what comes with falling in love, learning and growing, and raising a child in this world that’s already fucked up in its own ways.
I can finally say that after five years, plenty of breakups, tears and laughs, down moments and the birth of my son I AM HAPPY! 🙂
“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.”