I’m a firm believer that how you leave your last year, sets the tone for how you begin your new year. I kept the New Year’s Eve shindigs low-key and intimate this year, making the decision that I wanted to spend it with my family and a bottle of port wine, good music to sing at ridiculous volumes to, and soul food to nourish my spirit. My children, at four and five, weren’t privy to a “ball drop” and found fascination in counting down to one with millions in the City of Lights, also known as Times Square. At midnight, I kissed the lips of my boys and my beau and we laughed until our stomachs hurt at Lord knows what. We snapped family selfies and drowned in Auntie Whitney’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody,” although the “Black gene” skipped Kamryn and my baby couldn’t keep up with the rhythm. It felt good. There was a peace that lingered in the air, a calm that resided over us all and we were grateful for a new year after leaving behind one that almost broke us apart as a family.
“What do you wish for this year?” I asked him as I swirled the wine with my finger, slumped on the coach and with my eyes closed.
“More quickies this year.” I couldn’t tell if he was joking or serious, and I didn’t pry to find out. Sometimes, you just need to leave things as is. “You?” he asked.
“Good energy around me. Negative spirits away from me.” Rob replied with his usual “hmm” and patted my leg as he rose from his place beside me. Growing up, “hmm’s” frightened me – I didn’t know what they meant, but at almost 28 years old, there’s something about a “hmm” when you hear it. You know what it means although it’s just the sound of a thought that’s stuck in your throat and couldn’t find its way out to properly formulate a word. You know because of how your spirit perceives it.
Spirits are very much real.
My partner can tell when I’m in a bad mood the minute I walk in the door. It’s not a sour look on my face or a specific tone in my hello; it’s an energy that immediately jumps off and out of me. Ever come across someone who you just can’t vibe with? Spirits. 2014 presented a lot of them. Just me? Let’s see, there were the spirits of,
Jealously, fakeness, anger, discontent, laziness, and greed, all in the form of friends and so called well-wishers. Then there were the spirits of,
Gratitude, generosity, support and discernment. I want to carry the latter list with me throughout 2015 but realistically speaking, those first qualities I listed are simply a part of life. If you want to know the quality of who you are as a person, want to test the thickness of your skin and want to know what’s an integral part of your personal development? See how well your soul takes to envious spirits.
Last week was one of tests – spirits coming at me from all angles. Everything frustrated me and I was reminded to take a step back before speaking/acting without thinking. I’m pretty sure that I’ve said this before, but sometimes, I think the Universe throws random acts of fuckery in our paths to see what we’ll do. How we’ll respond. Show us just how much we’ve grown. I could’ve cursed. I wanted to get out of character here and there, but I remembered that it’s always
bullshit before big shit.
I realized that I got this extra kick in me when the year came in, as I prepared for this year’s features for What Binds Us Together. New writers, more incredible stories, and a growing group of women hungry to share their experiences – why wouldn’t I be excited? I’m certain the attitudes, disrespect, and sheer unprofessionalism I underwent was to throw me off balance and distract me from the bigger picture at hand. The important thing? Keep your focus.
I should be resting, but instead I’m up writing. Thinking. Planning. There are stories to tell. Y’all think I’m going to let these spirits stop me?
Hmm. If you know me, you know the answer to that…